Are You Too Scared to Let Love In?

Sometimes love can be scary. And when it is, you have to get tough. Against vulnerability. Against fear of control. Against loss. Against despair if things don’t work out. That can make you wary.

When you have to be tough, it’s not easy to let love come first, or to let it in at all. Does love threaten your freedom or make you feel controlled? Or are you afraid to lose it if you open up?

Maybe you had other losses in your childhood that make you vulnerable to loss. Or maybe you had experiences that make you distrust someone’s intentions. Or, perhaps you don’t feel lovable.

If you’ve been hurt, abandoned, neglected, or abused, that makes love a scary proposition. Even if you need it. And, of course, you do. Everyone does. Even if you want it, you can’t let yourself.

Love does make you vulnerable. It’s a risk. There might be rejection. Hurt. Loss. You don’t always get what you want. You could lose your freedom. These fears bleed over into the love you need. 

So, because of these fears, toughening up or shutting yourself down has put you on an anti-vulnerability campaign. But if you fight vulnerability, you can’t be open to love. So, is it a battle against being controlled, hurt, or losing the love you have?  

Or, a fight to control your feelings? 

Having Feelings Makes You Vulnerable

Feelings make you vulnerable. Sometimes they’re overwhelming. Or, they feel shameful. And, if that’s what you think, you have to control your feelings. Keep them hidden. You can’t let down your guard. You can’t allow defeat.

That is, if “defeat” means feeling things that you don’t want to feel.

Feeling love, or any of your feelings, can be scary. So, what do you do not to feel? Drink, do drugs, run away, “go dead?” To have love, you can’t hide. You’re vulnerable. Maybe terrified.

To let love in, the biggest battle you might have to wage is one to allow your feelings.

That means anger at those who robbed you, your grief about what you lost as a child (and later). You have to defeat that anti-vulnerability self-protection so it doesn’t deprive you anymore.

 That means allowing vulnerability and giving up your toughness; fighting for what is most important: coming alive to your feelings - and admitting that you need and want love. 

 Do you want to read more? Click here to read my post on the film One Battle After Another.