Do You Live in Shame? Changing on the Outside isn’t the Answer

People can be cruel. Maybe you suffered criticism and verbal abuse as a child. You never feel right. You even feel ugly. And, you think that’s what people think about you. You have a voice of shame inside that makes you hang your head low and believe every word it says. That’s the real problem.

Your fear of what people think makes you wary. Reticent. On guard. Fear is a reaction. To humiliation. Mistreatment. Being misunderstood. You don’t know how to connect to people. You’re certain it’s because of how you “look.” You want to “look better.” You feel lonely and sad.

Your shame colors the way you see yourself. Changing on the outside doesn’t stop that. You are still the same you on the inside. There isn’t anything wrong with doing things to improve your appearance. If it makes you feel better, that’s a plus. But if you can’t stop trying to “fix yourself,” if it becomes an obsession and you never, ever, look “good enough,” that’s something else.

 So, what’s the answer?

You have to change on the inside and grow your confidence. But if you can’t get the voice of shame and self-hate out of your head, you could use some professional help. When you work out your childhood trauma, you’ll grow to accept yourself instead of trying to be “someone else.” And, you know what? You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll look to yourself in the mirror.

Do you want to read another take on this problem? Click here for my post on A Different Man.