Why Do You Have Too Many Feelings After a Trauma-Memory?

Humans have a wide range of feelings. But if you experienced childhood trauma, you had to shut them down. At least, you had to try not to feel. Rage. Revenge. Confusion. Uncertainty. Disorientation. Agitation. But then, something happens. A memory comes out of nowhere.

And, Bam! You’re hit with all those feelings. It’s like everything, everywhere, all at once...

When your trauma returns, it’s very typical for your blocked feelings to return too. All those feelings you tried so hard to numb. Forget. Now you’re overwhelmed. Discombobulated. Scared.

Maybe you even feel out of your wits. With hurt. Pain. Sadness. That you usually don’t let yourself feel. Maybe even a wish for revenge. What do you do with that? You’re a moral person. But. You’re angry. Of course. All those feelings make sense. Even if it doesn’t seem like they do. You tried to move on. Most people traumatized as children do just that. You have no other choice.

But. Trauma is serious business. It can ruin a life. When someone torments you. Traumatizes you. Instills constant terror. Makes you helpless. This has a lasting effect. You have so many confusing feelings, you don’t know what to do with them. That’s what makes trauma so very overwhelming.

Because you have: Fear. Hate. Confusion. Anger. Humiliation. Uncertainty. Guilt. Disgust. Rage.

Rage is imbedded inside you after trauma, buried or not. Rage is understandable. It’s a risk to feel grief. Deep down, it’s the grief. The sadness. That you’ve been fighting off. The pain of remembering and feeling the trauma, the losses, the torment, the hurt, the guilt. Facing it can sometimes feel like too much. Feeling grief, though, is what you ultimately need to heal.

Then. You’ll feel empathy. For yourself. And, compassion. For yourself. When you feel compassion for the little you who was so tormented and hurt, that compassion will replace your self-hate. You don’t have to live with humiliation. Or, feeling “less than.” You’ll know it wasn’t your fault.

And what’s even better? When you can feel all of your human feelings - that will set you free.

Click on  It Was Just an Accident to read one version of what happens when memories surface.