How To Heal from Sexual Abuse if the Molester Still “Haunts You”

Sexual abusers force you to do what they want. They’re bigger, stronger, and have more power. They threaten you. That’s scary. There’s no one to protect you, and you can’t say “No.” You hide your feelings, shut down, and go numb to protect yourself. Sexual abusers “haunt you” into adulthood if you don’t have the right kind of help. They make you say “No” to your feelings and desires. All abused children do. Feelings are too much when there’s no one to tell, people don’t believe you, or they want you to be “ok.” You want to be “ok,” too. So, you tell yourself it’s in the past: “Get over it.” “Don’t talk about it.” “You’re fine.” Even when you’re not.

There’s one thing you don’t have when you’re sexually abused as a child, and that’s: power. Your abuser has the power. You have no control. You’re helpless. You go away, go dead, and shut down your desire. Because your feelings are overwhelming.

Your sexual abuser haunts you whenever you try to open up to love and sex. Childhood sexual abuse leaves you with shame and confusion about your feelings and desires. To heal, it’s important to get help learning to have a voice for what you want. And, to find your feelings. Love and sex don’t have to be triggers. You can stop your abuser from “haunting” you when ...

You know the abuse is not your fault.

You don’t feel shame for your desire. 

You know what you want and can ask. 

You say, “No,” if something isn’t right.

Read More about Sexual Abuse Healing in my DYING FOR SEX POSTS: Ep. 1, Ep. 2, Ep. 3, Ep. 4, Ep. 5, Ep. 6, Ep. 7, Ep. 8