Severe Early Mother Trauma? Dissociation is “Survival”

Mothers are important. Having a good enough one, that is. But if you had a mom who severely traumatized you, that leaves you with self-protections that can last a lifetime. One is dissociation. You can’t feel your feelings, aren’t “present,” don’t trust easily, and struggle with love.

A mother who is neglectful, cold, mean, critical, abusive, possessive, or jealous makes you hypervigilant. Scared. Terrified to make the wrong move. Careful. Meek. Quiet. Apologetic.

Underneath, is hurt, sadness, loneliness, and rage. You can’t express your feelings. You shut down. You’re afraid of setting her off. Scared of more rejection or cold displeasure. You’re frozen in fear.

There might be a voice in your head, “you’re fucked, pal.” “You’re bad.” You live with guilt. You know you can’t want anything. You make sure you don’t. You can’t trust kindness. You wait for the other shoe to drop. There’s no one to count on in a traumatic childhood. No one is safe.  

But mostly, you live with terrible grief that you can’t afford to feel. So, you go dead. You feel nothing. Dissociation doesn’t mean you have no feelings. Yet, something just might trigger them.

 If this is you, it’s important to find expert help you can learn to trust. It’s not impossible to heal.

 Want to read more about severe mother trauma? Click here for my post on BEAU IS AFRAID.