Do You Retreat into a Fantasy? It’s Because Reality Is Too Sad

If you were neglected or abused as a child and no one really cared, that kind of childhood leads to loneliness and a lot of sadness. When it’s a loneliness that goes on and on, it leads to despair. What do you do with those feelings? They can be too much. So, you tell yourself, “If I don’t think about it, it can’t hurt me.” But that doesn’t really work. Where do the feelings go?  

Sometimes, when you block your feelings in self-defense, you retreat from reality into a fantasy without realizing it. And, those fantasies can take on any number of forms. Here are a few:

One fantasy might be that you need no one. That’s because you have to believe you’re strong. You can do it all yourself. You’re tough. You shut everyone out. Love? Who needs it or wants it?

Or another? As hard as you try not to be, you’re hungry for something. You meet someone. That person might be a charmer. Love bombing, it’s sometimes called. Your starvation pulls you in. You believe this person is everything. You “make them” who you want them to be.

Retreat into fantasy is a survival strategy. Underneath the fantasy, whichever fantasy it is, is the worst one of all: You believe that you’re not good enough. The problem is: You can’t see reality.

Confusion about what’s real and what’s not is part of trying to escape from your painful feelings. It’s like: you have to get out of reality or you’ll die of sadness. If you believe that feelings make you “pathetic” and there’s no one there to turn to, retreating into fantasy has a very big lure.

 Want to read more about fantasy? Click the link here to my post on I SAW THE TV GLOW.